Making sense of adolescence is foundational for learning how to ‘dance’ with our teens. Dr. Neufeld’s unique distillation of adolescent psychology and the integration of this material with his rich experience with teens, both professionally and as a father, forms the basis for the insights and suggestions he provides. His presentations on this topic are much in demand by both those who work with teens and those who parent and teach them.

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Description

The key to making sense of the adolescent is to understand the developmental dynamics at play as well as the attachment needs of the adolescent. These needs are typically underestimated due to the physical maturity of adolescents and the resistance to dependence that can result from becoming prematurely attached to peers. Adding to the confusion is the fact that there is more than one developmental pathway to adulthood and societal integration.

Adolescence literally means ‘growing into maturity’. An adolescent is neither child nor adult and therein lies much of the difficulty, the turbulence, the confusion and the challenge. They need us, yet need to not need us. We are their best bet, yet their instincts are to resist us. Unlike primitive cultures, our highly complex society requires a lengthy adolescence with very few rites of passage. The task of turning children into adults has never been more daunting!

Nature’s part in creating grown-ups is to equip them for adult functioning around the time of puberty, ready or not. These changes create their own rites of passage that the adolescent must negotiate to truly mature. Unfortunately, growing up is not a given; not all adolescents embrace their developmental destiny. The most common temptation of adolescence is to replace parents with peers instead of becoming one’s own person. The most common mistake of adults is to back off prematurely. As long as an adolescent is not yet viable as a separate being, he or she is meant to be attached to those responsible for him or her.

These rites of passage create challenges for parents and teachers as well: the adolescent’s new found idealism makes them critical of us; their developmental self-absorption makes them deaf to our perspective; their acute allergy to coercion makes them rather difficult to direct.

Our challenge as adults is to help our teens cross the bridge from childhood to adulthood, to encourage them to embrace their developmental destiny and to ultimately shoehorn them into adult society. Meanwhile, we have the day-to-day challenge of parenting and teaching them, of guiding and directing them, of shielding them from stress.

Adolescence is truly the womb of adulthood and those enveloped in supportive adult relationships have the greatest chance of successfully negotiating this tumultuous time. The challenge is not to treat them as if they were children nor to retreat from them as if they were adults. Learning to ‘dance’ with an adolescent commands the very best in us.

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Versions and variations

This material is often given in a two-hour evening presentation or a conference seminar, however the best way is in a day long seminar. What is sacrificed in the shorter formats is the time for discussing interventions. The material is usually presented under the title Making Sense of Adolescence. Depending upon the target audience and the specific focus, the material can be adjusted and entitled accordingly. Two of the more common titles are Adolescence and the Peer Factor and Attachments and Adolescence: the case for getting involved.

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Suitability and applicability

This material is relevant to anyone who is involved or will be involved with teenagers. This topic is often requested as professional development for teachers as well as continuing education for helping professionals. It has also been hosted by various communities, churches and colleges for general audiences in a day seminar format. The most common target audience is parents of adolescents but this material has also been given as a primer for parents of preteens.

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Topics addressed

Some of the topics addressed include:

• the psychological changes at puberty that impact adolescents and those that parent and work with them
  
  
• how to deal with the premature loss of power and influence with an adolescent
  
  
• the rites of passage that must be endured for the adolescent to mature
  
  
• how to recognize when rebellion is healthy or a result of adults being replaced by peers
  
  
• the psychological temptations faced by adolescents on their journey to maturity
  
  
• how parents and teachers can avoid premature or forced retirement
  
  
• the two alternate paths to adulthood and societal integration
  
  
• how to preserve or restore one’s rightful place in an adolescent’s life
  
  
• the dangers of peer-orientation in the life of an adolescent
  
  
• how to differentiate between relationship problems and behaviour problems in the adolescent
  
  
• the role of dissonance and internal conflict in the life of an adolescent
  
  
• how to hold on without holding them back

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